This is 40. Strong. Determined. Won’t take any shit. Concerned less about pleasing others, and more with pleasing myself.
I don’t feel like I’m 40, but man, I have been through a lot. I used to think 40 was old. Now I know it’s all in the mind, what you believe is powerful when it comes to aging and the body.
Here I am sitting on a Friday night, with a glass of wine feeling reallllllly tuned in to some truths.
Sometimes this powerful surge of energy comes through me, like all kinds of intuitive hits, and psychic messages. The voice (my soul calling) gets really, really loud.
I can’t explain where it comes from. I also have to ‘get it out’ when it speaks to me, whether in my journal, or in one of my ‘creative ideas’ notebooks I have scattered around the house. Or, in this case, a blog!
I also have the Evernote App on my phone, just in case insight strikes and I have to capture it on the go. 😀
I have always had this within me. As an adolescent, my writing and journalling saved me. It was how I got through some of the most challenging times. I have boxes of old journals from my teens, during my pregnancies, early motherhood, and beyond.
And through all of the many heartbreaks and struggles, my journal is always there as my outlet.
This has always been something I do to keep the channels clear to this day.
I have overcome eating disorders, chronic depression, binge eating, bankruptcy, burnout, marital challenges, and so much more.
I have been traumatized, in many ways, for many days. I’ve put up with too much bullshit, and it ran me into the ground. Body, heart, and soul.
I now have a very low tolerance for other peoples bullshit. Even my own.
There were some days in my past, I wondered how I would make it through.
But, I did. In a thousand different ways, for what felt like never ending days, I found the strength to keep going.
My tenacity, stubborn heart and determination saved me. I was born with it. I know it.
My desire to learn how to see things differently saved me. I refuse to bury my head in the sand, when something in my life needs attention. I go all in to doing everything possible to improve or change it.
I may want to give up, and may fall down, but I find the strength to rise above, and keep going.
In my health, finances, marriage, and business.
What I believe is that my obsession with growth, reading a million books, spirituality, and holistic health is what saved me. Perhaps, had I not had that outlet, I may have become addicted to much worse.
Sometimes though, after all we have done, we have to let go, once we have done all we can to ‘make it work’. Whatever it is.
I turned 40 this year, and wanted to publish this on my birthday, but I missed the ball. Here are 10 of the real, raw and radical truths I have learned in 40 years:
- Stop wasting your life worrying what other people think. Say it. Do it. Become who you are truly meant to be. Fuck what everyone else thinks. Be a good person, do no harm, but also, don’t take any shit.
- Never ever abandon yourself for anyone. Never put your needs below anyone else. Your feelings are valid and they are sacred.
- If your marriage isn’t serving your soul, you have a call to choose: either step up and work on yourself, and have the courage to set boundaries and ask for what you want in the relationship -or – settle in to victim, martyrdom, and resolve yourself to “this is just how it is” or leave. I suggest (unless there is abuse, or it is highly volatile and toxic) to stay and do some work on yourself first. Until, it improves to your standards, or you can’t do it anymore. You’ll know the difference. A friend said to me recently, that a woman acts as she does because she cares. When she no longer cares, she’s done. And it is too late. Work on it until you no longer care. Relationship problems will follow you around no matter who you are with if you don’t do the inner work on yourself to change the dynamic, so it’s best to deal with your own internal work inside the one you’re in before jumping ship.
- You physical health is a reflection of your emotional health, spiritual health and mindset, as well as any trauma that has occurred. Heal your mind and emotions and your body will follow.
- Unhealed trauma lives in the cells of your body. Seek the support of someone who can hold sacred space for you to move it through. Not someone who treats you as if you are broken, but who sees you as whole. Not because you feel inadequate, or as if you need fixing, but because you love yourself. It is essential and could save your life.
- Self Awareness is your superpower. Connect with it. Get to know who you are. A fully embodied woman is a force, a powerful expression of the Divine. Be in your body, and with your emotions.
- Invest in yourself. Stop saying “I can’t afford it”. If there is anything you focus on making a priority, it is yourself and investment in your mind, body, emotional health. Do whatever you can to find the money to get support when you are on the floor, and even when you feel yourself faltering. The earlier the better. I went into debt paying for the services I needed to heal my body and mind. I didn’t see any other choice. I was determined. There is nothing that you could spend you money on that is of more importance than your health – this includes your mental, emotional and spiritual health. Many don’t think a whole lot about putting items on a credit card, but when it comes to their health and sanity, they tell themselves they ‘can’t afford it’.
- Forgive for yourself, not for the one who hurt you. Forgive only when you’re ready to let go. Holding on to resentment and pain only poisons your soul. Get support to work through anything that you’re holding. Clear it so you can open your heart for the good to enter.
- Set boundaries. Basically boundaries are standing for what you will and will not tolerate. And you hold firm. Don’t back down. If your words fail to land, actions become necessary. Learn them, asset them, enforce them. Your life and health depends on it.
- Holding on and letting go is an inevitable part of life. And, both are often painful.
- (Bonus Tip) Your emotional health is more important than what you eat. You could have the cleanest eating plan in the world (this was once me), but if your emotional state is in turmoil, and you are highly stressed, it will have little effect. I’m not saying nutrition doesn’t play a vital role in heath, but I believe it’s given way too much focus, and the other aspects are glossed over. Nutrition and sound mind-body-soul balance is the key to health.
These are the top 10 (and a bonus). I have a lot more where that came from, but that’s for my book. 🙂
I’d love to hear from you, which one resonated the most?
If you’re a powerful, tenacious and determined woman who refuses to settle, or operate in survival mode like the majority of the world, and you’re ready to start stepping into your full power, and deliberately create the life, health and relationship you desire, please reach out: firstname.lastname@example.org and let me know what you’re ready to rise above in your life.