Heal Yourself to Heal Your Marriage
… to pursue pleasure, one must know pleasure. Believe it or not, most women can’t pinpoint what really makes them happy. After all, are women ever taught to celebrate their appetites, whether it’s for chocolate ice cream or a more entertaining sex life? – Mama Gena
Why do women struggle with low libido more often then men
There are many theories to why women experience low libido, and one that seem to be something many relationship experts agree on is that women need to feel safe and emotionally connected to their partner to feel like taking it into the bedroom, and men are said to desire sex in order to feel connected.
So, the solution as I see it, is that both partners need to do their part to meet the needs of the other in order to heal this aspect of the relationship.
Women need to feel safe and emotionally connected to their partner to feel like taking it into the bedroom, and men are said to desire sex in order to feel connected.
While I do believe this is a big factor, and that foreplay happens days before, outside of the bedroom, there are certain behaviors that can happen within the daily relationship dynamics that are killing your loving feelings, this is going to have an affect on your libido.
You can’t ignore her outside of the bedroom and expect her to want you inside the bedroom. Most conscious women will not let this fly.
If she’s growing every day through her personal and spiritual growth devotion, and he’s not even the slightest bit interested in developing himself – a rift will begin to widen.
When you are on the growth path, it is natural to outgrow people, and partners are no exception.
On a side note I want to highlight that as women we are responsible got our own sexuality and healing and empowering ourselves as sexual beings. If you have had past abuse, you must do the work to heal this part of yourself with a qualified professional that can help you heal.
I always leave the disclaimer that these traits can also be present in women, so if you are woman reading this and see any of these traits in yourself, it’s time to work on yourself.
Sometimes, the things that bother us in our partners, are also things we are guilty of on some level.
All that being said, a healthy sexual life takes both partners commitment to make it happen.
So..without further ado here they are:
5 BIG Love and Libido Killers for Conscious Women
- Deflecting: Woman “hey, honey, the way that you handled (parenting issue) really felt insensitive to her feelings” … Man “What about that time YOU yelled at her when she left toys all over the floor”? Pretty soon, you’re arguing about what YOU did,rather than him reflecting on what you have to say, and his behavior. This is a sign of emotional immaturity, as he can’t bare to look at his errors, as this would damage his already weak ego and sense of self. A strong and emotionally healthy man, can take in criticism and look at it objectively without trying to shift ownership onto the person expressing their feelings or observations.
- Defensiveness: “Woman: “I feel like we never spend any quality time together anymore, you’re either at work, on your phone or in front of the TV” Man: “What are you talking about? Can’t you ever just be happy? You’re always on me about something”.
- Gas lighting: “The comments you make about my making less money than you really hurts my feelings”, Man “What are you talking about? “That’s not how it happened! You’re overreacting, “I was just teasing”, “it was a joke”..those kinds of comments make you question your reality, and is very toxic emotionally.
- Chronic Forgetfulness: If you have a man that chronically “forgets” to do things you have asked him to do, this is a behavior trait in men who don’t want to subordinate and do what you request, as it feels to controlling. This is a passive aggressive move, and often there is underlying resentment that leads to this behavior.Forgetting once in awhile is one thing, but if this is a chronic habit, it dissolves trust in the relationship.
- Patriarchy: When a man holds the belief that women are meant to cook, clean, look after ALLLL of the kids activity planning, medical appointments, shopping, AND raising the kids, while sometimes also working in our outside of the home this can wear a woman’s soul into the ground. This is one of the main reasons women hit burnout, become depressed and full of anxiety. They have too many balls in the air, while their men go to work, have one job role (not 5), and come home and expect the house to be clean, and dinner on the table. This creates resentment, and will definitely kill any desire for intimacy.
Listen below for more on these 5 dynamics on the podcast.
If you are struggling with any of these dynamics in your marriage and it is affecting your well-being and health, this needs to be addressed. It won’t magically get better, you have to lead the change you want to see in your relationship. Because, let’s face it, he won’t be doing it on his own.
It is a rare man that sees the issues in a relationship, and books a counselling appointment or reads a book on how to change.
Very rare indeed.
And this is one of the problems I see so often. Women take it all on themselves, and become counsellor and leader, this can lead to relationship burnout.
Over-functioning for your partners lack of showing up leads nowhere good.
I invite you to book a consultation with me if yo’re struggling in your marriage, and you feel the stress may be hindering your healing and well being.
It is possible to stoke the fire of connection in long term relationship.
You deserve to have a relationship (while not prefect) feels good to you.